Posts Tagged ‘communication’

appreciated

 

Finally after years of unappreciative takers I have found someone that epitomizes this quote. For a time there I thought my expectations were too high or unattainable because I always felt short ended. I was merely searching for someone who would reciprocate what I was dishing out. That’s not too much to ask right?? Like the whole golden rule deal, treat others as you would like to be treated. As I trudged my way through relationships full of compromise, arguments and tension I thought to myself this can’t be the way it has to be. Then I would would try to rationalize these sorry excuses for relationships to myself by saying, “no one is perfect, these sorts of things come with relationships”. This is not true people! There are over 7 billion humans on this planet, there must be at least one out there that you can seamlessly interact and communicate with all while respecting and appreciating each other in the utmost.

So don’t sell yourself short. Don’t enter a relationship where you have lowered your own bar of expectations. Don’t settle for less than what you deserve.

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Be comfortable being you

I think we underestimate the power and need for us to be comfortable with ourselves. It not only benefits us, but it will also help us be better for those around us. This quote above explains it superbly.

I don’t know how many times I have found myself trying to concoct a relationship purely on the basis of loneliness and searching for happiness in someone else. I never realized that I was actually trying to make them an escape from myself. The less selfish and more solid foundation for a relationship would be one built on us already loving and being comfortable with ourselves first. This would allow us to give and not just take. I have always heard we must give in order to receive.

Now don’t get me wrong, this isn’t taking away the job that we all have in being a support system to those we care for or that need us. What I’m saying here and/or warning against is the act of us basing our happiness in others. Because a good portion of the time we will be left disappointed by the unmet expectations that we have put in those around us. Being dependent on others for happiness makes us much more vulnerable and likely to be hurt.

Instead, let’s all try to be healthy and strong first that way we can give love first and receive it back as by product of what we gave.

Be comfortable being you

I think we underestimate the power and need for us to be comfortable with ourselves. It not only benefits us, but it will also help us be better for those around us. This quote above explains it superbly.

I don’t know how many times I have found myself trying to concoct a relationship purely on the basis of loneliness and searching for happiness in someone else. I never realized that I was actually trying to make them an escape from myself. The less selfish and more solid foundation for a relationship would be one built on us already loving and being comfortable with ourselves first. This would allow us to give and not just take. I have always heard we must give in order to receive.

Now don’t get me wrong, this isn’t taking away the job that we all have in being a support system to those we care for or that need us. What I’m saying here and/or warning against is the act of us basing our happiness in others. Because a good portion of the time we will be left disappointed by the unmet expectations that we have put in those around us. Being dependent on others for happiness makes us much more vulnerable and likely to be hurt.

Instead, let’s all try to be healthy and strong first that way we can give love first and receive it back as by product of what we gave.

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Beware of Busy Bees

Since finding this great avenue of connection that we have here on WordPress I have read some phenomenal pieces by you all. Some come here and share their most recent dating stories. Some come here to share their beautiful and powerful poetry. Some speak of painful memories that they’ve held on to for years. Some take me to other parts of the world by sharing their travels. Regardless of what is you all share it given me the desire to air a bit of my emotional laundry as well.

You bloggonians have shown me enough care and love that I feel like you are shoulders to cry on and/or hands to high five in my highs. With this said I feel like I can vent here and share with you all, and it’s a great feeling. I was quite apprehensive to write and share this because I feel like I’m whining or something. Plus, you are all such great writers here and your words seem to flow so effortlessly that I feel like a mere novice. But who knows, maybe some of you will be able to relate to this or use it as a heart break prevention tool in the future.

Alright let’s get into it…

In the past 6 months I have been a victim of the busy bee TWICE. When I say busy bee I mean a girl who says, “Sorry I’ve been busy” when you ask where they disappeared to. Let’s have a look at the evidence for both of these cases:

Exhibit A

She was quite aggressive and actually asked me when I was going to ask her for her number. I was instantly attracted. It’s cute and aggressive. Once numbers were exchanged the communication pattern began. Multiple texts a day including good morning have a good day 🙂 and good nights seasoned with sweet dreams. Then on to that first beautiful and exciting actual phone call. Now we are firing on all cylinders laughing, sharing and making plans.

Let’s now fast forward to the crime scene.

The texts become few and far between. There are no random phone calls and she always seems to be BUSY. So I push on despite my healthy dose of skepticism. I lean on my trust in her. Now it’s getting a bit ridiculous and I ask the what the problem is. She replies sorry I’ve just been BUSY with work, family and enlisting duties for the navy. What can I do, call her a liar and demand she still makes time for me? No way, then I become the problem. So once again I reach into my trust stash and believe her. Now weeks passes by and no word. I send a text that stirs a response and learn that too BUSY actually means seeing someone else.

I would share the confession text with you, but I deleted it.

Exhibit B

She was great right off the bat. She made the first move and wrote me first. Once again I love the confidence and assertiveness. Our numbers get exchanged more quickly this time and I wait till Valentine’s day to deliver the first text. She is elated upon receiving it. We text back and forth regularly for weeks before we actually talk. The random hope your having a good day texts are running freely. The disclosing of our past, our hopes and our interests are a daily affair. We are getting closer and more comfortable with each other.

Normal communication begins to change.

The questions and interest begins to fade. The random texts are a thing of the past. The last text in our phone conversation shows me posing a question, but getting no reply. If I don’t try to call I don’t think we’d even talk. I ask her what’s up and she tell me she been busy with work, moving and buying a car. I tell myself surely it isn’t happening again. I mean I just told this girl about how this had just recently happened to me. No way somebody could repeat the same offense that you shared with them. Once again I reach into my trust bag and remember reassuring things she had told me. The trust begins to wear thin and today I asked her if I’m liking and thinking about someone who isn’t doing the same. And here’s the reply I got: Good morning babes! 🙂 I do want to apologize for being a little distant recently. I have ALOT going on around here and in this damn brain of mine. I want to be honest with you because that's what you deserve. I met someone about a month ago through mutual friends and we have hung out a lot recently. Im not sure what is going to come out of this but I don't want to be dishonest with you because that's not who I am. I think about you a lot through out my day and I am a bit confused to be honest.

What I’ve learned from this is that if things seem like they don’t add up, they probably don’t. Trust your instincts. In both instances I chose to believe what I wanted to be true versus what actually was. Like the quote says above no one is really too BUSY. There are 24 hours in a day. We can spare seconds or minutes to let the people we care about know that we still care. So the moral of the story boys and girls is Beware of Busy Bees, they still can sting.

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There is often more below what's seen or heard

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