Beware of Busy Bees

Posted: March 19, 2013 in Relationships & Life
Tags: , , , , ,

Beware of Busy Bees

Since finding this great avenue of connection that we have here on WordPress I have read some phenomenal pieces by you all. Some come here and share their most recent dating stories. Some come here to share their beautiful and powerful poetry. Some speak of painful memories that they’ve held on to for years. Some take me to other parts of the world by sharing their travels. Regardless of what is you all share it given me the desire to air a bit of my emotional laundry as well.

You bloggonians have shown me enough care and love that I feel like you are shoulders to cry on and/or hands to high five in my highs. With this said I feel like I can vent here and share with you all, and it’s a great feeling. I was quite apprehensive to write and share this because I feel like I’m whining or something. Plus, you are all such great writers here and your words seem to flow so effortlessly that I feel like a mere novice. But who knows, maybe some of you will be able to relate to this or use it as a heart break prevention tool in the future.

Alright let’s get into it…

In the past 6 months I have been a victim of the busy bee TWICE. When I say busy bee I mean a girl who says, “Sorry I’ve been busy” when you ask where they disappeared to. Let’s have a look at the evidence for both of these cases:

Exhibit A

She was quite aggressive and actually asked me when I was going to ask her for her number. I was instantly attracted. It’s cute and aggressive. Once numbers were exchanged the communication pattern began. Multiple texts a day including good morning have a good day πŸ™‚ and good nights seasoned with sweet dreams. Then on to that first beautiful and exciting actual phone call. Now we are firing on all cylinders laughing, sharing and making plans.

Let’s now fast forward to the crime scene.

The texts become few and far between. There are no random phone calls and she always seems to be BUSY. So I push on despite my healthy dose of skepticism. I lean on my trust in her. Now it’s getting a bit ridiculous and I ask the what the problem is. She replies sorry I’ve just been BUSY with work, family and enlisting duties for the navy. What can I do, call her a liar and demand she still makes time for me? No way, then I become the problem. So once again I reach into my trust stash and believe her. Now weeks passes by and no word. I send a text that stirs a response and learn that too BUSY actually means seeing someone else.

I would share the confession text with you, but I deleted it.

Exhibit B

She was great right off the bat. She made the first move and wrote me first. Once again I love the confidence and assertiveness. Our numbers get exchanged more quickly this time and I wait till Valentine’s day to deliver the first text. She is elated upon receiving it. We text back and forth regularly for weeks before we actually talk. The random hope your having a good day texts are running freely. The disclosing of our past, our hopes and our interests are a daily affair. We are getting closer and more comfortable with each other.

Normal communication begins to change.

The questions and interest begins to fade. The random texts are a thing of the past. The last text in our phone conversation shows me posing a question, but getting no reply. If I don’t try to call I don’t think we’d even talk. I ask her what’s up and she tell me she been busy with work, moving and buying a car. I tell myself surely it isn’t happening again. I mean I just told this girl about how this had just recently happened to me. No way somebody could repeat the same offense that you shared with them. Once again I reach into my trust bag and remember reassuring things she had told me. The trust begins to wear thin and today I asked her if I’m liking and thinking about someone who isn’t doing the same. And here’s the reply I got: Good morning babes! πŸ™‚ I do want to apologize for being a little distant recently. I have ALOT going on around here and in this damn brain of mine. I want to be honest with you because that's what you deserve. I met someone about a month ago through mutual friends and we have hung out a lot recently. Im not sure what is going to come out of this but I don't want to be dishonest with you because that's not who I am. I think about you a lot through out my day and I am a bit confused to be honest.

What I’ve learned from this is that if things seem like they don’t add up, they probably don’t. Trust your instincts. In both instances I chose to believe what I wanted to be true versus what actually was. Like the quote says above no one is really too BUSY. There are 24 hours in a day. We can spare seconds or minutes to let the people we care about know that we still care. So the moral of the story boys and girls is Beware of Busy Bees, they still can sting.

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Comments
  1. <—-I couldn't agree more.

  2. shianwrites says:

    Oh well, her lost. The right girl will never brush you off. You’re so right, no matter how busy we may be, we will always find time for the ones we care about or love.

    • Rahburt says:

      Glad to know you agree. And I’m glad you took the time to read. I know it’s hard for me to read longer posts, ha. If she can do a lot of good things, she may be able to rectify herself. Exhibit B has shown remorse.

  3. BeWithUs says:

    No worry, you will eventually find someone who would put you in her priority list…Cheers!! πŸ˜€

  4. cariwiese says:

    In the beginning of a relationship, I’d beware the “I’ve been busy.” New relationships are fun and exciting, and usually girls like to talk. If they are busy with buying a car or family or whatever, at the end of the day they want to come home and talk to someone about it. That person should be you. If it is not, then they’re not busy, they are distracted by someone or something else. If that’s the case, the girl isn’t worth it.

    There will be a girl who can’t wait to tell you about her busy day, and ask your advice on all of the issues or drama in her life. She won’t apologize for neglecting you, she will apologize to others for neglecting them for you. That girl is the keeper. And she is out there, I promise.

    Thank you for visiting my blog!

    • Rahburt says:

      So true. That’s exactly how think it should be. And these past 2 were that way initially and that’s what made the red flag raise, when the questions, surprise texts, and days with no communication began. I just hate when I know, but they don’t have the respect to confirm it.
      Thanks for reiterating and sharing what you did. It helps me be comfortable in the fact that my expectations are not ridiculous. That’s the part I battle with. The mental battle between am I being overbearing or am I cheating myself.
      Loved this: She won’t apologize for neglecting you, she will apologize to others for neglecting them for you.

      Thanks!

  5. ctoby says:

    Sad to say, this is a two-way trail. And if you don’t believe me, check out MY dating blog! πŸ™‚ Where there is life there is hope… but as for this “busy” nonsense? Hell, at my age I just tell the truth–I’m bloody exhausted!
    hang in there kiddo… and remember, kissing frogs won’t really give ya warts, thass an old wives tale. It’s herpes ya gotta watch out for!
    Shalom.
    Carla

    • Rahburt says:

      Exactly! Too bad it seems men always get the rep for it. Thanks for the frog advice, ha. And I checked out your blog and it seems to be all health. Were you just trying to get me to visit it? Ha

  6. Chatty Owl says:

    Nope, no such thing as too busy. Laugh all you want, but when someone really thinks a hell of a lot about somebody, you can find time to text while peeing hahaha! No excuse.
    Sorry to hear you had those two busy bees to deal with. Hopefully the next one will be different!

    • Rahburt says:

      Haha, I agree. And I’ve done the same and/or had others do the same. Thanks for the reassurance of how it should be. I guess it’s back to the drawing board πŸ˜‰

  7. Ok, now I see why you said that comment to me on getting girls to get their act right.

    Even though it’s been forever since I’ve dated (minus the stupid one time date that happened two weeks ago), but I’m almost positive that if I was trying to date someone and a guy said he was too busy for me or ignored my text/calls, then something is wrong – like he has a girlfriend or he’s married or he’s just a douche.

    Sorry to hear it’s happened twice already. When it comes to relationships or friendships, one can never be too busy.

    Take for example my bff Jp. She recently went car shopping and was texting me the entire time about the color and choices, sending me pictures, and how we would go joy riding once she gets it. That’s just a friend. *shrugs*

    When it comes to relationship/friendships, one should never neglect or make excuses.

    I hope you find someone that deserves your time and your trust. Good luck!

    • Rahburt says:

      Glad you did some detective work to find it πŸ™‚

      Yeah I’m just getting that now. I guess I’m sometimes too nice or a push over and scared that I’ll be deemed controlling if I pointed out the lack of communication. Plus they love to flip it around sometimes and try to make me feel guilty by saying in a sarcastic tone, I’m so so sorry I work and am busy with whatever it is they conjure. You WordPress ladies are teaching me so much, ha.

      What a nice bff she is. And you’re right, your priority should also make you their priority. I’m huge on reciprocation, and once that stops I get on guard.

      Thanks for the reassurance on what it should be like. Maybe they’ll find me! ^_^

      • Communication is key to a relationship. Plus if it’s important to you, then it should be to her as well. It’s not asking for much.

        I too get on guard once the reciprocation stops. And there’s no turning that around.

        Maybe she will find you ^_^

  8. Rahburt says:

    Communication can develop, maintain, and/or destroy a relationship.

    Haha, that second part sounds scary.

    I’ll try to wear bright colors for visibility purposes πŸ˜€

  9. GrowlTigger says:

    A heartfelt and open post – a brave post! Can understand how you feel and I agree, beware Busy Bees! If your have become involved with someone then you owe it to them to be honest, not pretend to be too busy to even send a single text, so yes these girls were wrong.

    Never really been into the whole dating thing, back in my youth I often went out in groups from school, college of work, just all had fun, losing a few of our number as they became couples. Later I was more of a slow mover when it came to romance, meeting someone as I went about life, often through work. In the end I never settled down to marriage and family life, but no regrets, just a few memories of old flames, glad we didn’t ruin I lives trying to make something impossible work.

    The only insight I can share with you that might help for the future is to make a list of significant relationships. Detail how you met, your partner’s looks, personality and how it ended. Reflect on why you were drawn to them and if that might have been a mistake – perhaps you have better ideals, but seem trapped to repeat a negative pattern. Such reflection helped me, so I offer the advice in all sincerity. All best wishes for a better future.

    • Rahburt says:

      Thanks for noticing buddy. And yes I agree. I want and hope for a relationship where each is treating one another how they’d want to be treated. I’m happy for you in the fact that you have no regrets. And thank you for the insight. The backbone of each of my past relationships has been reciprocated communication and at least some sort of physical attraction. Outside of that criteria I don’t limit myself or repeat any trends. I do believe my naivety in believing that everyone holds the same respect for others that I do gets me in trouble and hurt once I’m proven wrong. Thanks again for your comment.

  10. […] I am very honored to have been given this Award, and I must give BIG HUGS and HUGE THANK YOU to Robert Mudge!! Rob and I have crossed paths in life and we very quickly became people who communicate in the […]

  11. I’m guilty of being a Busy Bee and I’ve paid my debt to society definition

  12. jodeybear says:

    You’ve gotta keep the momentum up. She won’t become the “busy bee” if you are her priority. I’ve blamed being “too busy” on not communicating with guys when the relationship became stagnant. A lot us women are kind of ADHD. We see something shiny and moving, and our focus changes. If you keep the dynamic going, we won’t have *time* to look for that next shiny thing because we are too focused on you. Maybe try not texting for so long….move onto the phone call sooner, and a date after that.
    And always remember, don’t let it get you down because this one or that one went after the shiny thing passing by. If she didn’t have time to focus on you or see your potential, she probably wasn’t meant for you in the first place. You want to be with someone enthralled with you, even when you move slowly. πŸ™‚

    • Rahburt says:

      Thanks for your insightful reply :). I agree with the momentum thing. Although I believe it takes both parties trying to keep the momentum up for it to work, not just 1. In fact, that is what sounded my alarms to begin with. My momentum stayed consistent, whereas theirs began to change. I guess their previous words of affirmation and high interest in me is what kept me sticking around. All in all, they should have had their glasses on and ignored other shiny things, ha. It shouldn’t be so much work. It’s like you wisely said, they should be enthralled with you no matter what. Thank you for this, it was great.

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